Secret Agent Man
by soultoast
Summary: UPDATED! CHAPTER 2 ADDED!Everyone thinks they know Malcolm, but no one knows that his is a highly trained agent for a secret division of Starfleet. See how his training helps and hinders his life on Enterprise as he attempts to lead a normal li
1. Agent File

Title: **Secret Agent Man**

Author: soultoast

Rating: PG-13 for mild language. And kamikaze chimpanzees. Just kidding.

Spoilers: This will be taking place in the second season. This is a work of my fantasy, crossover with some of my personal characters.

Pairings: R/S. If you don't like this pairing, don't read it, but I think they're cute. You've been warned!

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Star Trek. If I did, it would be a hell of a lot weirder. The above monkeys would actually feature in several episodes, and that would just be plain silly.

Beta: None, except for me self. So all the mistakes are mine.

Author's Note: This is just a character study of Malcolm, a different way to explain some of his attitude issues.

Sometimes he regrets ever coming aboard Enterprise. His regrets were not in the same vein as the regrets that Trip had (especially after he'd been injured, kidnapped, or impregnated by aliens again), regretting the day he set foot on Enterprise. It is during those times that the Lieutenant performs his duty, when he's in danger, that he feels as though he belongs on Enterprise. No, being Malcolm Reed, it is during the times of relative peace and quiet that he regrets his choice. It's when he is talking to the Captain or Trip or Hoshi that Malcolm gets nervous. It's during his attempts at socializing that he feels as though he's let himself go, relaxed too much. Only a few short years ago, Malcolm Reed was the best agent that Starfleet Intelligence Commission had. You see, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed is not security officer, he's not even a regular Starfleet officer; he is fact a member of the Starfleet Intelligence Commission. Malcolm Reed is what you could call… well, in truth, one could call him a secret agent.

Like all of the other agents, Malcolm was approached while in Starfleet Academy with an offer to work for SIG. Every day, after completing his Academy classes, he would be tutored by the SIG. They taught him varying skills, from advanced self-defense and computer skills, to medical training and languages. Then, once they discovered his… proficiency with weaponry and engineering, they taught him advanced engineering, specializing in weapon's development. In addition to teaching him how to literally blow the living hell out of things, his instructors also taught Malcolm how to send secret communiqués. After graduating from the Academy, he was assigned to the old Mars Station, where his advanced training continued.

The Commission's mission is simple: protect Starfleet and deal quietly with any issues that threatened Starfleet or the Earth. Started by a group of Admirals and with the Earth President's blessing, they were formed to deal with Earth'sproblems on their own, without the condescending Vulcan (namely Soval's) interference that assumed the humans to be incapable children. They primarily dealt with threats to Starfleet; theft, the protection of certain officials, and black market espionage. Yes, despite Earth's claims that crime was nonexistent, there was still a black market, only by this time, aliens had become the primary buyers of information and technology. Malcolm was the best, and that was why he was assigned to the Enterprise.

Malcolm could easily recall the day he was assigned to Enterprise. He'd just returned from a mission, investigating the disappearance of an engineer from Jupiter Station, at which time his doctored records had already been submitted for the post of Enterprise Armory Officer, along with glowing recommendations that no Captain could ignore. The job was his before he even knew why he was being assigned to Enterprise. Originally, Malcolm's mission was to make sure that any information involving the Klingon Klaang and his mysterious attackers was gathered and passed along to SIG. But once T'Pol was assigned to the Enterprise, the scope of his mission was broadened; he had to protect T'Pol, a precautionary measure ensuring that Vulcan/Human relation remained friendly.

At this time there was a joke among the agents; when together, they liked to call each other "Bond" or "James," or sometimes even "007." This was partially because they were, like the Ian Fleming character, agents. But it was also for another reason: the agents were social idiots. These agents, Starfleet's best, were be able to lie, kill enemies, fight, and hack into computer systems, but they are all rather inept when it comes to the opposite (or in Agent Roy's case, the same) sex. Because parts of their lives were contained fabrications, they weren't fond of getting close to other people; it made them nervous. Fortunately, this was usually seen as social ineptitude and not a gripping fear of exposure. Unfortunately, in Malcolm's case, it was both.

It had been two years since he'd been assigned to Enterprise. In this time, he'd fallen in love (unrequited), been abused by aliens, and made a best friend who didn't even know who he really was. Malcolm had become comfortable, used to the routine of Enterprise. When fighting, he was able to use his skills and help other. But when around his crewmates, he was unable to truly talk to them, to become intimate for fear of exposure, thus causing regret. But without his consent, Enterprise had become his home, and his old life seemed to have transformed into an imperceptible dream that never happened. But every so often, Malcolm would be reminded of his true mission, of the deadly skills he possessed, and the fact that no matter how good of an agent he was, he still couldn't talk to women.

A/N: Okay, so this series is going to be pretty episodic, i.e. it will be showing the schism between Malcolm's training and his current life via various incidents. So hopefully you like it, and the only way I'll know is if you hit that little button and tell me so.


	2. Agent Activities

Title: **Secret Agent Man, Chapter 2**

Author: soultoast

Rating: PG-13 for mild language. And magical African aye-ayes, with the power to kill a yak from two hundred yards… with MIND bullets!

Spoilers: This will be taking place in the second season.

Pairings: R/S. You've been warned!

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Star Trek. If I did, it would be a hell of a lot weirder. The above aye-ayes would actually feature in several episodes, and that would just be plain silly. If you don't know what an aye-aye is, here is a link for a

Beta: None, except for me self. So all the mistakes are mine.

Author's Note: Okay, sorry for the delay. Also, does anyone know what the names of the shifts are, and how many there are on the ship in a given 24 hour period? _Italics_ indicate thoughts, while "_quoted italics"_ indicate song lyrics, just so you know.

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_"There's a man who leads a life of danger,  
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger  
With every move he makes another chance he takes  
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow."_

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Despite Malcolm's abject fear of the water, he was in fact an ideal candidate for the British Royal Navy. Born to a family tradition of order and strict adherence to regulations, Malcolm continued to slavishly follow an inner code of conduct similar to that of the Royal Navy's. Malcolm preferred to exist with a sense of order; to all questions there should be an answer, a resolution to every quest, his eyes capturing every detail and filing it away for future purposes yet unknown.

His alarm blared, jerking him awake. As was the situation every morning, Malcolm's training surged to the forefront and he rolled off his bed, landing in a crouch, the phase pistol from beneath his pillow in hand. One second later, after his eyes had appraised any possible dangers (of which there were, as usual, none), he stood and made his bed. The corners of the bed were tight, just as his father had taught him, Malcolm's phase pistol tucked under the pillow again. Malcolm then went into his small bathroom, where he showered. Fifteen minutes after waking, he was dressed and ready for duty. As he gathered a dozen or so data PADDs into his arms, a blinking light on his computer caught his attention. Juggling the PADDs, he clicked on the 'new message' icon; he smiled, it was a message from Agent Roy. All of the agents had formed strong friendships, primarily due to the fact that they could be completely honest with each other. David Roy had just been assigned to the Paris Data Center, but that was the extent to which he discussed work. The remainder of the letter was about his new apartment and his boyfriend, a cabaret singer named Alan. As usually, David ended the letter with a joke at Malcolm's expense. This time, the last line read "Say hi to Hoshi." Malcolm sighed, a sigh being the only vocal measure of displeasure he allowed himself. Shutting off his computer, he exited he quarters and headed to the mess hall.

Inside the mess, he scanned the room, surreptitiously studying the officer's and crewmen eating, mentally reviewing the security information he had on each of them. Malcolm dropped the PADDs onto a tray before going through the line. He collected his regular Tuesday breakfast of oatmeal, toast, bacon, orange juice, and tea and headed towards his normal, empty seat at the corner table. As per usual, he ate alone, with his back against the wall, a favored vantage point that allowed him to study all who entered the room. Within himself, he knew the truth; wasn't suave or debonair- he saw himself as a loner, and independent defender of Earth. Despite the close friendship that existed between the members of the SIG, their small numbers usually required them to go on missions individually. His life had become filled with long stretches of solitude, interspersed with occasions of friendship. But now he was on Enterprise, continually surrounded by friendly officers and crewmen. Trip, Travis, Hoshi, and even the Captain were making attempts to be his friends. Usually, the brief duration of his missions and standoffish attitude left him in his comfortable zone of isolation. But it wasn't working on Enterprise. He picked up the first PADD and studied some of upgrades Starfleet development had for the torpedo targeting system. The changes to the circuitry appeared in his mind and he visualized the modifications, completely oblivious the new arrival trying to get his attention.

"Mal. Hello, Earth to Mal," Trip said, waving his hand before Malcolm. Trip sighed, _Must be the new modifications for his precious torpedoes._ Frowning, the engineer considered his possibilities, before choosing a course of action. "Suliban assasins!"

Malcolm lept to his feet, dropping his PADD, eyes wild as he reached for a phaser that he wasn't carrying. Only after his heart rate slowed by two hundred beats per minute did he notice the Southerner.

"Not very humorous, Commander; haven't you ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf?" Malcolm asked, resuming his seat while glaring at the blonde. Trip shrugged as he took the opposite seat.

"Yeah, yeah; you know what, Loo-tenant, you sound just like my Mother. I been standin' here for two minutes and you didn't even see me," he shot back. Malcolm frowned, upset at his lack of attention/paranoia.

"Really? I didn't even see you there. Must be slipping," he mused, starring into his cup of tea. Trip shook his head.

"See, that's what I can't figure out about you, Mal. You are the best security officer in all of Starfleet, but half the time you're either clueless or you're paranoid." Trip leaned towards the Brit, glancing about the room before whispering. "When was the last time you got laid, Mal?"

Choking indignantly on his tea, Malcolm stared at his friend with a mixture of shock and anger.

"That is none of you business!" he whispered, outraged. "Besides, that isn't the problem, Trip."

Trip raised an eyebrow as he waited for further elaboration. Malcolm sighed.

"Fine. Alright, if you must know, I feel too safe, I'm too relaxed."

"Safe? I scare you and you get ready to shoot my-."

"Good morning Commander, Lieutenant." The two indignant officers looked up to see Travis, standing with a full tray and a grin on his face. "Mind if I join you?"

"No, not at all Ensign. It would be wonderful to have some intelligent company," Malcolm replied, smirking in Trip's direction. Trip shook his head as he turned to Travis, starting a new conversation.

"So, did you hear about this new planet we found?"

"New planet?" Malcolm shouted. "Why in the bloody hell wasn't I informed? As security officer, it's my duty to ensure the safety of this ship-."

"It's uninhabited, Mal. Not a single soul on there, except for the animals," Trip explained. Malcolm nodded, although he was still a bit upset. Seeing that Malcolm wasn't going to get bitchy again, he continued. "Apparently, the planted has a wide variety of animal life, so Phlox wants to go study it. We have decided to make it a camping trip."

"A camping trip? That sounds great," Travis grinned.

"Yeah, the Cap'n thought that it would just be a few of us…." Trip's voice faded from Malcolm's mind as the doors opened to reveal Hoshi. Malcolm returned his gaze to the PADD before him, while frequently casting surreptitious glance at her swaying body through his eyelashes. He stifled a sigh, this one a sigh of longing. He was an agent, damnit! He knew fifty-three ways to kill a man in hand to hand combat, he could cause a warp core breach in five minutes and hack into High Priority Starfleet missives, but he couldn't even talk to a bloody woman!

"So, what do you think Malcolm?" Trip's drawl drew Malcolm out of his mental drooling. Panicked that they might have seen him watching Hoshi, he stared hard at the data PADD.

"Yeah, sure, sounds wonderful," he muttered disinterestedly.

"That's great! I'll tell the Cap'n! The five of us camping, what could be more fun?" Malcolm's head jerked up.

"I'm going camping?"

-----

The excitement on the Shuttlepod One was nearly palpable. It was five pm and Archer, Trip, Travis, and Dr. Phlox discussed the entertainment possibilities of the next 28 hours, their voices buzzing. Malcolm was, unsurprisingly, scared. He was afraid of revealing something about himself, or even worse, just doing something plain stupid, like whispering Hoshi's name in his sleep. As far as he knew (having reviewed audio recordings of himself sleeping,) he didn't say it, but he was scared that it would happen given the frequency with which he dreamed of her. There was one where she somehow appeared outside his room in a towel, fresh and wet from a shower. Then there was one where she stopped the turbolift and threw herself at him, but his favorite was the one where they were outside, in the sunlight, and she was-

"Damnit Mal, how can you be doing work at a time like this?"

Malcolm's head snapped up to meet Trip's good humored glare, one of his hands shooting up to check his chin and make sure that he wasn't drooling.

"Sorry, just don't want to fall behind Commander." Trip rolled his eyes as Archer spoke up.

"Malcolm we already discussed this: no ranks for the next day, okay? We're just here to relax."

"Well Capt-er, Jon, you may be here to have fun, but the Doctor is here for research, and I'm here to make sure you're safe."

"On the contrary, Lieutenant- Malcolm, I am quite eager to participate in this male bonding experience. It should be quite fascinating," Phlox explained.

"We're coming up on the clearing, Sirs," Travis announced. Malcolm looked down at his lap and placed the PADD into his bag. They were all dressed in casual clothing, under orders from the Captain. After the young pilot landed the shuttlepod, they exited, gazing in awe at the nature around them. Phlox immediately started his scans. Around them towered massive trees with dark grey bark, most over twenty meters tall. They had long, hanging branches, rather like those of a willow tree, only the leaves were a dark blue. As they trudged on towards the small clearing, Phlox would point out varying creatures. When they arrived at the clearing, Malcolm started pitching the tent. As he organized the campsite, he suddenly noticed something- he was the only one organizing anything. Frowning, he looked at the center of the campsite, where Archer, Trip, and Travis sat, talking and passing around a large, grey water bottle. Travis took a sip, then grimaced.

"What in the hell are you drinking?!"

Phlox smiled from behind a shrubbery- this was going to be an interesting night.

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Author's note: the song lyrics used are from "Secret Agent Man," most famously performed by Johnny Rivers, written by P.F. Sloan and S. Barri. I heard this song used in the first Austin Powers Movie.


End file.
